I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
