love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
