Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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