some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
