Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
