is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
