Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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