I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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