I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
