Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
