Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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