I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
