:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
