I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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