I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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