I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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