you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
