My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
