I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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