theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
