Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
