do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Mom said you looked used
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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