Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
