I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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