We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am one with the molecules
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
