so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we're making bets on your personal life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
