Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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