god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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