Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
