I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
