I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
