the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i need some magic done to my vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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