first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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