it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
