Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
