Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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