What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
