A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
did you just send me my own nude
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
