I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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