if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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