my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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