if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
