Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
