the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
