Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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