i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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