i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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