just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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