whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
