After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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