How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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