I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
