u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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