You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
